I want to walk you through a typical life of a person from the birth to may be until he/she starts attending the college.There are three important phases of a life that I want to focus on -1
Phase-I: Birth until a child can talk.
Phase-II: From the moment child learns to talk but without judging.
Phase-II: From the moment child starts deciding what to tell and whom.
Phase-I: Birth until a child can talk. In this phase a child can not talk and I am sure you might know many parents who have children in this phase of life, so how often do they complain about their child's limitation of communication? Do they say, that the child doesn't clearly tells them what she wants, what she like, why is she crying? Parent don't complain in this phase about the communication of a child, even though in this phase the only mode of communication for the child are non-verbal. That funny face, smile, cry, and many more symbols are what used by the parents to learn about the child's likes, dislikes, comforts, discomforts and so on. Is it not a difficult phase for parents? Sure it is, but do they enjoy it? Sure they do! Why? I think the answer is in the fact that they are so much available for their kid, they want to pick each and every signal a kid is sending out and they want to analyse it and learn from it about their kid. So the main things are time, attention and willingness to learn from the kid.
Phase-II: This is also a enjoyable phase for parents, your loved ones now starts talking and it talks about everything to you, she repeats you, she talk on things that make no sense to you, she many times embarrasses you in front of others by asking some difficult questions. Do parents complaint about too much communication? Again the answer is, many cases no! Parents do enjoy this phase of the parenthood too, and again they spend lot of time listening to kids, pay attention to what they say, and now teach them about language.
Phase-III: This is a very crucial phase for any parents.Your son or daughter have grown up and now they decide what to tell and to whom. They are no more those innocent creatures who will spill out everything to you about every thing. This is the phase of kids where many parents complain about their kid, not telling them or may be more worried about their communication or lack of communication. This does not happen with all the parents, and lets create two groups of the parents now, lets say AL-type and PL-type.
AL parents don't have much complains about their kids communication in this Phase-III, while PL parents are more worried and complains about the lack of communication with their grown ups.So, why this happen?
AL, are 'Active Listeners': This group gives enough time, and attention to the one who is talking, they don't form the opinion based on their experience or perception but rather try to learn from the next person what exactly is happening and then when asked play a role of mentor, without judgement or prior opinion.
PL, are 'Pretend Listeners': Instead of listening to next person what she is telling and then forming an opinion, this group create its own opinion based on what they perceive. They are not more interested in what next person is telling if it is not enforcing their views. This group quickly jump to the conclusion, and without the next person asking it start dictating the next moves.
As you can see, AL group gives enough time, attention and try to learn from the next person while PL group also gives enough time, but pay attention to where they want to and don't want to learn but wants to teach. Because of this different approach, AL keep on building the trust while PL keep on loosing the trust, and trust is the one major thing which is required if we need open communications. The moment we realise that there are some hidden agenda, and the next person is trying to using us to get what they want, we start to keep few things to our self and that creates a barriers between the communication. That's why I will also like to call PL a 'Police Listeneres', we don't want to tell everything but we try to be diplomatically right in our communication so we don't want to upset them, but also wants to protect us.
Now, forget about parenting and kids and all, don't you see this happening in your team, in corporate world or in school, or in casual groups.So the question to you is, are you AL, Active Listener or PL, Police Listeners? Becausee, it is based on this choice of yours the next person is going decide what type of communication he/she is going to have with you. So, take a wise decision and enjoy the communications!